Updated: Jun 30
Some of us give birth without healing the child in us first. When this happens we sometimes are triggered when are children act a certain way depending on our childhood traumas.
We have triggers and our children have triggers as well. In a moment of transparency and vulnerability. I'll share with you one of mine; whining and crying. I have not figured out why this is my trigger or why it makes me so overwhelmed but it does and some days I just lose it. I remember Halo cried in the car for 6 months EVERY SINGLE DAY! I was so miserable. I hated going anywhere, nothing worked. I had to talk myself out of yelling because I would get so frustrated. Having two under two can definitely be overwhelming when they are both having tantrums or meltdowns at the same time. Now that I know whining/crying is a trigger for me I can take the necessary steps to calm myself before I react in a negative way. Me being overwhelmed by them crying has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my past.
Parenting through your own childhood or past traumas can be very difficult, so give yourself some grace. We must work on ourselves and work through our traumas for our children. The main goal for our children should be to give them a childhood they don't have to heal from. We won't always get it right but you can make the conscious decision to do trigger work and become aware of your triggers so that you can parent more effectively and positively. When becoming aware of our own triggers we have to recognize our children's triggers too. If we know what triggers them we can sometimes prevent the meltdowns and crying. All in All being a parent while trying to heal ourselves is very hard work, don't beat yourself up because of a bad moment.
What are your triggers? Do you know your child(ren)s triggers?
Issues that are rooted in our past impact our present reality and directly affect the way we experience and interact with our children even when we're not aware of their origins.
- Dan Siegel, From Parenting From the Inside Out